by Desislava Ignatova (Bulgaria)
You are about to meet the second quartet of vampire types!
The first one to enter the stage is the “Ice-box” vampire:
“Hello folks! Maybe you wonder how I earned this nickname, for aren’t all vampires cold? Truth be told, it’s all about my talent — I tend to see all interactions as business, and as you know, there is no place for emotions in the corporate world. I am fed up with hearing things like “you are never compassionate, and how come you are so cold”. For Goodness sake! — I’m not cold, I’m just practical!
I am not the romantic type who would buy flowers and make nice surprises. Nevertheless, for some weird reason, I keep attracting very emotional women, who pointlessly keep trying to ”melt” the ice inside me… as if I want it to go away..”
If you are looking for an antidote to the ice-box vampire, here is your receipt:
(1) Stop trying to change him/her. It isn’t your call to make!(2) If you are talking to a very rational being — prepare in advance and make sure your arguments are logical and coherent.(3) Defend your emotional world — only talk to emotionally stable people.
Next comes the ignorant vampire. He is so busy multitasking, he can’t properly introduce himself. He may ask you how you are doing, but he won’t really wait to hear your answer. There are two potential reasons for this:
(1) he is so self-centered, he doesn’t care for others;
(2) or he doesn’t know how to handle his own emotions.
If you are surrounded by ignorant vampires, you may feel empty and worthless. Thus, you may hold yourself responsible for other people’s choices. This is why it’s very important to differentiate — what’s yours and what belongs to the other person involved!
The polite vampire:
“Hello dears! One may wonder how can a vampire be polite…. I, personally, never understood why they keep calling me so.
Indeed, I’m very polite and caring. And even though I always put other people’s needs first, misunderstandings have become the norm. The more I try to make others’ lives easier, the more I end up being a burden. I can’t help but wonder, how is that even possible?!
They say too much politeness can be annoying and draining. Trust me, I can understand the draining bit, but why annoying?! I always try to be there for everyone else. Sometimes I’d start one thing and before I finish it, I’d jump to another, so that I can help a colleague. And instead of praising me for my initiative, they fire me?! Seriously? Imagine that! Yesterday, my boss told me I had problems with time management. Supposedly, I was unable to prioritize and I rarely finished what I start. On top of it all, as if that wasn’t enough, he said I always asked questions instead of deciding on my own. But he doesn’t get it, does he? It’s not that I lack responsibility, I’m just being polite and caring…”
The polite vampires are usually brought up under conditional love. They had to learn to prioritize others. The main way they gained their parents’ attention was through caring and pleasing others. One thing all polite vampires should work on is their self-esteem. In addition, they can improve their self-awareness of their strengths and limitations. This way, they will be able to set more realistic and achievable goals.
If you have polite vampires in your life, you should take into account the following:
(1) Avoid criticizing them. This will only trigger a vicious circle, where they will try to earn your respect, by investing more of themselves in the process and looking up to you for constant feedback.
(2) Be careful in what manner and how often you ask them what they’re doing and how far they’ve come with the task. This can increase their insecurity and self-doubt, leading to a slower completion.
This is the Himalaya vampire, who always aims high, for he is too ambitious. No accomplishment is ever satisfying for him. For that reason, once he achieves a certain goal, he rushes into setting another. He is the never satiated, always hungry vampire.
When he was a young vampire, his parents were cold and they never gave him the love and affection he needed. The only way he managed to gain their attention was by above-average achievements.
It is no surprise, then, that he is usually defined as a tough boss and a tough partner. He has high expectations, not only for himself, but for others, as well. The Himalaya vampire doesn’t know how to relax and never truly understood the idea behind that concept.
Just like the Snare vampire, he attracts people who seek external validation. His victims kill their own self-esteem and energy, by trying to please everyone. Normally, they pay a very high price, while rarely receiving the praise that they were looking for.
If you recognize yourself as a Himalaya vampire or as a victim of his, here is your antidote:
(1) Learn how to love yourself the way you wanted to be loved by someone else. Your self-worth is inherent, not conditional!!
(2) Improve your self-esteem.
(3) Surround yourself with people who support you and love you for who you are.
In the next article you will meet the final four vampires!
Peseschkian, H., & Voigt, C. (2015). Psychovampires: a positive approach to energy suckers. AuthorHouse